Before my eyes:
       "Machinal" by Sophie Treadwell
       "Tales of the City" by Armistead Maupin


       In my ears:
       "Million Miles from Home" - Keziah Jones
       "Eye to the Telescope" - KT Tunstall

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

City Living

"The changing of the seasons, the cold slicing winds, the falling leaves, sunlight on green grass, snow on the land, London particular. Oh what it is, and where it is and why it is, no one knows, but to have said: 'I walked on Waterloo Bridge', 'I rendezvoused at Charing Cross,' 'Piccadilly Circus is my playground,' to say these things, to have lived these things, to have lived in the great city of London, centre of the world. To one day lean against the wind walking up the Bayswater Road (destination unknown), to see the leaves swirl and dance and spin on the pavement (sight unseeing), to write a casual letter home beginning: 'Last night, in Trafalgar Square...'
Sam Selvon
, The Lonely Londoners
Last night, walking back home down to south of the river, I was again filled with awe of the city. All great cities have it, the ability to make you feel possibilities biting at your fingers. I have loved such moments in Paris, New York, Rome, Berlin.

In Winter, to turn up your collar and feel the wind coming in across the Thames, crossing a bridge, turning up at a bar to meet your girl, coffee to warm the hands and lips, frost on the pavement, breathing vapour... all these things, and more, keep you sane sometimes.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

The price of cutting cheese

I've just spent half an hour buying a wedding gift from one of those online catalogues. Went onto the website and was stunned at some of the stuff department stores are flogging these days.

A high-tech cheese knife costing £25? For a fucking cheese knife! How much "high technology" could there be involved? Enough to merit £25?!

I checked out the picture of this curd-cutting weapon - OK, admittedly, it's a cool-looking piece of kitchenware and, were I to have my unrestricted choice of instruments dedicated to the dismantling of firm cheeses, this would probably be top of the pile. But it does seem a little pointless - excellence in cheese knives, that is. The experience of hacking off a chunk lasts seconds in a single digit, and is not that taxing - hell, if it's good crumbly cheese you can break a bit off with your fingers...

I guess there are some out there who would take umbrance at my carping - a wedding gift shouldn't be something you have too much issue spending on, especially if you've been mates with the groom through some difficult times. I'd just say, I'm not challenging the righteousness of the spend - just the true value of the object being spent on.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

One more day, one more rejection... and a rare offer!

"Dear Nick. Thank you for applying for the above post. I received dozens of responses and was impressed by the calibre and high quality of candidates applying for the position. I regret to inform you however that you were unsuccessful in your application on this occasion. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest and also wish you all the very best in your future career. Kind regards, Gareth" (Gareth Thomas MP Clwyd West)

If you have ever wondered how a rejection email from a Welsh Member of Parliament for a parliamentary research post would read, the revelatory replica above should put paid to the mystery. That was the latest rejection email I received, read, and digested with the faintest disappointment.

My disappointment is only faint, because (gasp!) something has come up. On Monday night, I went to the Institute for Citizenship, for what I was expecting would be a half hour interview. It ended up being a 2 hour conversation. 2 hours of talk about a vision held by a bright person with small resources, a loyal band of unpaid staffers, and a proper grasp of what we ought to mean when we use the word "citizenship". I left, my mind in a whirl, my heart pumping.

So the situation is this - it's a small, plucky organisation. They can't offer me money or a guarantee of a paid post. With the number of people and the amount of lobbying they'll need to do to make this get out of stasis into first gear, it'll be a horrendous work. But they've got vision, boy have they got vision!

I am thinking this through, my heart says "Yes!" - soon, but very soon, I may be back in the game!!

Friday, October 15, 2004

The purple cloud settling on my brain...

I'm in a gutter of self-indulgent angst at the moment. How can insecurity suddenly descend upon the brain? I have just been thinking about everyone I'm up against in my search for employment in the policy sphere, and a sense of inferiority is beginning to engulf me. They may each be a genius, for all that I know. Younger and smarter - youth and genius. I mean, when I think of this I am reminded that Michaelangelo carved his Pieta, he was barely 24 years old.

Recognising genius is a bizarre experience: simultaneous awe and despair. A swell in the chest, humility, and gratitude at being allowed access to such visions of immortality; and yet realisation also of one's own terrifying temporal mediocrity. This latter sensation is well expressed in art - for example, I guess we have Salieri as the paradigmatic mediocre, tortured and twisted by Mozart's effortless conjuring, cut by his realisation of utter inadequacy.

I need to go out and have a drink I think...

Waiting Technique #1

Well, I continue to wait for the responses to all my applications - as my last post reflects, I am having to develop ways of waiting. I'm developing techniques now. Ideas have tucked themselves up inside, set themselves into siege, and I am seeing how well they hold out to my pressing. Here is technique #1 - the drain seat.

Stillness and waiting - elegant bedmates, would you not say? The waiting posture can be undertaken on a chair with a high back, as I learned.

When I leaned back in my chair, the hours ran countertime, and it seemed that the longer I stayed with my spine against the rest, the less time I was actually wasting. Unmetered, the globs of things "yet-to-happen" collapsed down my vertebrae, like sewage through a drain.

For weeks, I could not leave my seat. I was compelled to sit; Friday came and I breathed out slowly, barely sighing. Sunday evening came and I would inhale, swelling my chest with a reserve, like bellows, to stave the whine of the week.

As you must know, this is an illusion, hence there is a condition - do not look at the clocks. The dial will bore out your sanity, leave it hollow with a threaded wall.

Technique #2 to follow...


Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Waiting

Waiting is a skill, for which talent is in scant supply. For me, at least, this truth is immediate and certain, as I count time until deadlines and closing dates.

Waiting is inextricable from wanting. Nothing is worse than having to wait for something you want, and this is a sentiment that clings from infancy, through adolescence, into prime, beyond maturity, until your ultimate age.

Waiting can be paralysing. You wait, focusedly, ignoring all else as best you can, and ball up inside. Watching the tumble of time, you are predictable, orbital in your movements.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Derrida, "La mort propre"

I only picked the news up this morning, as I read the obituaries in the Independent, but Jacques Derrida died on Friday. His death was overshadowed somewhat by the death of Christopher Reeve a couple of days later, but the significance of his passing persists.

My academic experience of studying Derrida is rooted in my postgraduate days. A full course module of my MA was dedicated to Derrida and literature, and it was certainly one of the courses I was most looking forward to when I selected it. The course itself proved the most difficult I have yet encountered, and was made even more problematic by the fact that it was taught as a philosophy course rather than a literary theory course. Being a literary student, I was far more interested in his discourse, whilst the philosophy students sought to play with the phenomenological aspects of his oeuvre, the deference to Heidegger in particular.

For the course assessment, I wrote on Derrida comparatively, counterweighting his heady sophistry with the cool narrative "recits" of Maurice Blanchot. It ended up being a paper entitled "Persistent Deferral", and in it I made a pained argument that Derrida's literary acrobatics amounted to a perception of a state of deferral, giving the sensation of being at a precipice's edge. My tutor aruged back that it was more than this, and that it went beyond the teeter and involved a leap - a leap with indeterminate consequences. In the end, my essay scored 68, which was disappointingly short of a 1st and made me feel I had failed the argument.

Nonetheless, my intention here is to acknowledge a man who was to me, for a while, a difficult topic. His death reminds me that he was also a being as well.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Bush - Kerry II

Thanks to the wonder of the BBC A/V player and my trusty broadband connection, I was able to review the second presidential debate over in the US. When I read the commentaries in sources such as the NY Times, ABC News and of course the BBC, it seemed that a lot of attention was being paid to the stylistic elements of each respective performance, rather than on the meat of the issues. I was far more interested in how answers met the questions themselves.

Of all the questions asked (and at last there were some that were outside the issue of Iraq), I think the question on abortion stood out. It is no secret that polarisation on this issue maps to the wider left-right ideological divide, and clearly it's not the kind of issue for which people change their minds in a single moment. Hence, responding to the question wasn't about persuading people on the basis of an argument, but rather a performance in how well the candidate could sell his sense of conviction. When the question was put, you could detect the difference between the two candidates. Kerry appeared to be criticised in the post-debate commentary for offering an over-elaborate response to the question, whereas Bush delivered a very direct and unambiguous (naturally conservative) line. Whilst some jumped on this as an example of Kerry's tendency to equivocate, I think he offered a sound, balanced response to a complex question.

It is difficult not to wince at the closed attitude of President Bush - he markets himself on an image of leadership that is decisive and firm, but in doing this he moves to disenfranchise any idea that does not fit his narrow tolerance. Kerry, on the other hand, makes a point of expressing respect for other opinions and his responses appeal to a sense of rational discussion.

It remains disturbing that Bush can retain such popularity, even though he appeals not so much to simplicity but simpleton values. It concerns me that some commentators suggest his appeal lies in the folksy connectedness of his humour, whilst Kerry is considered aloof. Shouldn't a president with the kind of powers that the US consitution affords indeed be elevated in intellect?

The final debate should be a humdinger...

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Larceny In Florida - please not again...


Amidst all this excitement about the US elections in less than a month, let us not forget the lessons of yesteryear...Posted by Hello

Brain Butter - light on salt...

Well, results of the GRE came in today - and it was as expected. Scored in the 96th percentile for both verbal and analytical components, but my maths result was woefully average. I don't think it's that I can't do the maths - see "Maths vs. your own logic" post - I didn't get myself programmed up. It adds up to the same thing - should have done Maths for A-Level, idiot for giving it up!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

United States Debates

Sad indictment of my nerdity as this may be, but having seen the first Bush-Kerry debate, I'm getting stupidly excited about the VP slug-out tonight. I normally don't stay up late to watch an event unless it's election night or fight-night in the States (yes, I'd even pay-per-view Sky to watch a boxing match - but that's another argument).

I love the way they do it Stateside - polished, so stupidly polished...

Party On

During my period of lurgy-incubation, I picked up an article in an FT Magazine stacked up from a week ago, talking about a crisis facing political parties. In the article, there was a ministerial quote decrying the nefarious influence of consumerism and entertainment, which I felt was very revealing about the fuzzy discourse regarding the role of politics in society, which is shared by politicians and the public alike. Sure, there is competition for people’s time – given a choice between hunting bargains at a half-price sale and writing on a political issue to a local MP, the majority of people would opt to spend their time on the former. This may be linked somewhat to the associated argument about working hours, available leisure time and how we use it, however the fact is, we make choices on how we spend time because we can draw a comparative scale of priority and opt accordingly. The minister’s complaint cited in the article does not assert adequately the elevated priority of politics and therein lies, partially if not wholly, the confusion over political engagement versus a distracted consumer society.

Political engagement and consumerism must/can/should not be considered on a comparative, competitive plane. Consumerism, as those denizens of the “science” of marketing will attest, is predicated upon dissimulation, the objective of which is to conjure impulse desires from diversionary, often trivial, matter using the metamorphic tools of “cool”. Its disposability appeals to a public sense of immediate right without residual duty - certainly the kind of behavioural thinking that the major political ideologies generally preach against? Politics should not be allowed to stray from its grand topics, the interplay between the inextricable conceptions of Power and Justice, with stability of society as an objective. The uneasy juxtaposition of politics with the culture of consumption will be continually indulged if political argument is not rescued from the prevalence of consumer iconography, and its critical fundament reasserted: we should not be trying to make politics “cool”, as the issues will never move fast enough to capture the vagrant definition of that word. Where parties and their political product are left to perception as unfashionable brands instead of issues in conflict, political activism will continue to suffer predation by consumerism in the jungles of the public mind.

It is clear that ideologies founder in an ever more individuated, personalised, society. Membership of a party is an overt investment of self into a community of ideology, and a labelling of opinions: “I am Left” or “I am Right”, and I accept the associations that come with each. A reluctance to be perceived as harnessed into the classical “Left/Right” wing taxonomy is indicative of a very modern ideological morphology, a mode of eclecticism that enables people to select allegiances to specific causes, confounding the traditional left-right polarisation – consolidated world-view dogma has given way to “pick-n-mix” political consciousness. In an accelerated society that serialises its re-invention of “what’s hot and what’s not” in Sunday supplements, sways of fashion (the proponents of which are indeed the kind of celebrity populists described in the article) are allowed to override a focus on normative principles. Problematically, this forces a descent into individuated minority political opinions, which remain dormant and unexpressed, perhaps until an obscure party, bolstered by cheap celebrity sponsorship, allows the fragments to collide in an outburst of sudden indignation. In this sense, I share the disturbing opinion on the ascendant threat of “ugly parties” founded on single issues, the UKIP being a particularly relevant example. Furthermore, it should not be ignored that an additional impact of the rise of single-issue parties would be the inevitable calls made for a fundamental review of electoral mechanisms, to enable a more proportional system – no small matter for our established electoral culture and institutional mechanics.

Whilst the majority political parties may not disappear completely, it is possible to envisage a political topography emerging that sees a greater emphasis on networks of smaller interests with formal affiliations to a high-visibility political party. Boosting party currency, for example, may take the form of a further commoditisation of political leverage into an open market of interest groups. If the issue-by-issue political approach becomes prevalent, instead of putting themselves in apposition to political interest groups, parties may choose to homogenise such interests to capitalise on the popular wind of the moment. Ironically, this may draw on precisely the kind of strategic brand capitalism employed by some large commercial brands – if my brand capital falters, I re-invent subsidiary brands aimed at re-casting my image for the market. By increased “selling” of their political leverage to interest groups to prevent further erosion, parties may relinquish some of their own policy-making process in favour of a ready-made vote-winner, but may do so perhaps in the hope that these interests can eventually be absorbed into the party brand. Whether the public will buy into this, is another question.

Can this be life?

A week without a post - all due to a turn-of-the-season cold. Yes, I have been laid up in bed, coughing and sniffing, downing spoonfuls of expectorant and liquidized meals. Having not had an illness at all when I was killing my body at work, I am tickled by the irony of succumbing to the lurgy when under no such stress or strain.

It's a big week - well, bigger than the last few. Interview tomorrow with Diane Abbott, then maybe Friday at the Institute for Citizenship (to be confirmed). Hopefully, my coughing and spluttering will have cleared up by then.

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