I'm such a fucking freak sometimes...

Recently, I've been fucking things up completely, and it feels like everything is just coming out wrongly. I just can't seem to shake the doubt... the confidence, the empowerment that should be there has gone awol. I swear, right now I could be the narrative voice of a Coupland novel.

Maybe, sayeth the ego, I'm just at a juncture. Maybe, it's a kind of millenial moment, but without the dates.

Whiskey is a temporary reprieve. A dry havana provides momentary removal from the confusion of the heart. I picked up my neglected guitar, played a few chords, plucked the remnants of a tracy chapman ballad, passed out, woke, made awkward calls, ran out of battery, poured more whiskey, plundered the stack of cd's, put on ben folds five, made an unsuccessful booty call to a forbidden peach, flopped onto bed and mumbled myself to sleep.

Why does everything seem so complex at the moment? Why are there so many variables? Why can;t I just pass for what I need to be right now?

And the irony is, it could all be so simple! I could just get lucky, the stars could align, and I could end up not feeling like a freakish detail from an edgar allen poe story.

And I miss driving fast. Since getting busted, I have been forcing myself into 70mph hell, when I want to just put the foot down and feel the surge of motion and growl. Damn the pigs... damn them.