2005: Bring it on...
This entry began as a rambling, disconnected review of the year 2004. I wrote several paragraphs before heading down to celebrate the New Year weekend at my sister's in Bristol. Tonight, as I was driving back along the M4, thinking about how to finish my reflections on the year gone by, I decided to scrap what I had written. I think it had something to do with the moon. The sky was layered Prussian blue with a faint russet haze, but dominated by the waxing crescent of the moon. It felt as though the moon, trawling space on its unwavering trajectory, had never been lower on the horizon, never closer to the earth. The sight of it prompted images in my mind of gravity's effects, the pull of forces on distant bodies. It's a funny thing, staring at the moon. You start to ask yourself about your position in the scheme of the cosmos, what it ought to be, where you fit in - well, I did anyway.
I've written an end of year review ever since my first journal in 1992. They usually allow for a stocktaking, a sublimation of the emotive and the events. This year, however, I don't want to dwell too much on the past, even the recent past. I want to look forward, onwards, progressively and with gusto - so this entry is going wrap 2004 up with minimal flourish, and look ahead to what 2005 has in store.
When I think about it, 2004 hasn't been really that much of a year for me - despite all that happened in the wider world. In the context of momentous events, the great triumphs (the Olympics, democracy in the Ukraine) and disasters (Bush's second term, Beslan, the quake in Asia), my only significant act was to break out of corporate whoredom and turn towards a better society. For those who read this blog, it'll be a familiar story, not in need of repeating, and it's an unfinished one for the time being.
So, that was 2004. In some ways, a year that could turn out to be a turning point, and in others it was just another year. On a much more positive note, here are reasons why 2005 could be a great year (a Nick-centric view, naturally) - with associated resolutions, where applicable:
My job: The project I am working on at the Institute could actually be successful. I have to admit, I had my doubts earlier in November, but by the time the Christmas break came up, I was optimistic. I think it has serious potential - and if the cash flow works out, I think it could be the start of something. Moreover, after living off the fat reserves of my meagre savings, I am getting paid as of the New Year. My motivation is high, and I'm feeling my game coming on... here's hoping.
My home: My bro' and I will be looking for a new place. Besides all the hassle of flat hunting and sorting out the logistics and finances, it'll be good to get some permanence to my residence. After being on the road for a lot of my time working for the Man, I feel like settling for a while. Until UN directorship comes knocking and I need to relocate of course (hahaha)!
My blog: This is one of the best things I have done this year. I know sometimes what I write is boring; that it is too often littered with aimless verbiage; that I swing so easily from peak to nadir; that my words usually aspire to more than they can deliver. Nevertheless, I hope that whoever reads this will keep on reading - you all should know what a source of spiritual sustenance it is to have an audience of sorts.
Family: due in June is the latest addition to the family, my sister's baby, my nephew/niece. Usually, I don't get overly affectionate with children - not because I'm some cold-hearted bastard (well, not completely), but I just can't muster sincere direct affection for other people's kids. This is going to be different - I'm going to be connected to this kid. I am hoping to bond with my first nephew/niece and I can see myself going all affectionate for once.
Travel: In January, I'm heading over the motherland for a fortnight. It'll be hot - about 30-35 degrees C, and the fish'll be jumping. My friend Eulette and I are also agreed that we are going to do an away break to the States at some point. We're both fans of Americana, and it'll be cool to hang out together in the land of wide lanes and non-stop dreaming.
Finally, and importantly, there is always lovelife - or lack thereof, hitherto. I have to admit, pickings have been sparse in 2004. I've thought about this a bit and can't figure out why I'm not feeling anything for anyone recently. Back in the day, I seemed to fall in love with different girls every month. My attentions would turn upon a sweet smile here, a flick of the hair there, from waitresses to musicians, gymnasts to tv junkies. Part of it is that I tend to fixate on what are, in truth, the eccentricities. This was truer still back at uni. I guess, at 19 you're so much more sensitive to the quirks that make people unique, and your capacity for tumbling into yearning is so much greater. Scarily, everyone I meet nowadays seems the same - note that I use the word "seems", as clearly it's about my ability (or lack thereof) to perceive in deep definition the uniqueness of each person. I'm trying, believe me. Here's hoping.
Overall, I feel very positively about 2005. I think it's set up to be an excellent year, and really it's down to me doing my thing - and fair lady luck playing her inimitable role, of course. But I feel good, I feel ready. I can take this year on, I've got the wind at my back and willing lungs, I can do this. Bring it on!!
I've written an end of year review ever since my first journal in 1992. They usually allow for a stocktaking, a sublimation of the emotive and the events. This year, however, I don't want to dwell too much on the past, even the recent past. I want to look forward, onwards, progressively and with gusto - so this entry is going wrap 2004 up with minimal flourish, and look ahead to what 2005 has in store.
When I think about it, 2004 hasn't been really that much of a year for me - despite all that happened in the wider world. In the context of momentous events, the great triumphs (the Olympics, democracy in the Ukraine) and disasters (Bush's second term, Beslan, the quake in Asia), my only significant act was to break out of corporate whoredom and turn towards a better society. For those who read this blog, it'll be a familiar story, not in need of repeating, and it's an unfinished one for the time being.
So, that was 2004. In some ways, a year that could turn out to be a turning point, and in others it was just another year. On a much more positive note, here are reasons why 2005 could be a great year (a Nick-centric view, naturally) - with associated resolutions, where applicable:
My job: The project I am working on at the Institute could actually be successful. I have to admit, I had my doubts earlier in November, but by the time the Christmas break came up, I was optimistic. I think it has serious potential - and if the cash flow works out, I think it could be the start of something. Moreover, after living off the fat reserves of my meagre savings, I am getting paid as of the New Year. My motivation is high, and I'm feeling my game coming on... here's hoping.
My home: My bro' and I will be looking for a new place. Besides all the hassle of flat hunting and sorting out the logistics and finances, it'll be good to get some permanence to my residence. After being on the road for a lot of my time working for the Man, I feel like settling for a while. Until UN directorship comes knocking and I need to relocate of course (hahaha)!
My blog: This is one of the best things I have done this year. I know sometimes what I write is boring; that it is too often littered with aimless verbiage; that I swing so easily from peak to nadir; that my words usually aspire to more than they can deliver. Nevertheless, I hope that whoever reads this will keep on reading - you all should know what a source of spiritual sustenance it is to have an audience of sorts.
Family: due in June is the latest addition to the family, my sister's baby, my nephew/niece. Usually, I don't get overly affectionate with children - not because I'm some cold-hearted bastard (well, not completely), but I just can't muster sincere direct affection for other people's kids. This is going to be different - I'm going to be connected to this kid. I am hoping to bond with my first nephew/niece and I can see myself going all affectionate for once.
Travel: In January, I'm heading over the motherland for a fortnight. It'll be hot - about 30-35 degrees C, and the fish'll be jumping. My friend Eulette and I are also agreed that we are going to do an away break to the States at some point. We're both fans of Americana, and it'll be cool to hang out together in the land of wide lanes and non-stop dreaming.
Finally, and importantly, there is always lovelife - or lack thereof, hitherto. I have to admit, pickings have been sparse in 2004. I've thought about this a bit and can't figure out why I'm not feeling anything for anyone recently. Back in the day, I seemed to fall in love with different girls every month. My attentions would turn upon a sweet smile here, a flick of the hair there, from waitresses to musicians, gymnasts to tv junkies. Part of it is that I tend to fixate on what are, in truth, the eccentricities. This was truer still back at uni. I guess, at 19 you're so much more sensitive to the quirks that make people unique, and your capacity for tumbling into yearning is so much greater. Scarily, everyone I meet nowadays seems the same - note that I use the word "seems", as clearly it's about my ability (or lack thereof) to perceive in deep definition the uniqueness of each person. I'm trying, believe me. Here's hoping.
Overall, I feel very positively about 2005. I think it's set up to be an excellent year, and really it's down to me doing my thing - and fair lady luck playing her inimitable role, of course. But I feel good, I feel ready. I can take this year on, I've got the wind at my back and willing lungs, I can do this. Bring it on!!
posted by nickwong8 at 1:57 am
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