smoke and justice
Wednesday night, the apex of the week, not a night for going out. With my bro' out of town, and not being in the mood to do anything of note, I went out into the garden and lit up for the first time in ages.
Nothing like a good smoke on a crisp, cold night. It's a balm for the soul, a stimulus for memory, and who could but feel only love for the immediate, heady spin after the first deep draw. A smoke reminds me of Helen; of the evenings when the two of us would be banished out to the driveway in Leamington Spa when our housemates caught us lighting up a digestive smoke. Those were the best conversations, the most honest, the most love-inducing, that sent me to sleep that night in a well of longing. We talked about dreams, the Renaissance, song lyrics, politics, favourite foods and drinks. The silence between us for the last couple of years remains a scar.
I'm experiencing a sense of drift this evening. Earlier on, I was feeling angry - I thought today's entry would turn into a rant. What was I angry about? Stupid stuff. Frustration at the world, the lack of progress. A bit of first world guilt. I saw discarded food, people buying trivia for inflated prices, the press trying to misinform us all again, and it angered me. I was angry about injustices, about the evil back-stabbing and the dishonesty, hidden agendas, the dispassion, the ethical lassitude, the moral ambivalence. I'd like to think that it's a reminder to myself that the inner indignation is still there - my moral compass still ends up pointing toward the distant pole of right rather than wrong, despite the virulent consumerism that surrounds and sometimes infects me. Someone quoted Dr Martin Luther King recently: "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it does bend towards justice".
Perhaps it's also the end-of-year sensation that's putting me in this frame of mind - with another milestone approaching, it's natural to think about what the year has brought. That'll make for a longer entry as New Year approaches, I guess.
And finally, a word of solidarity goes out to the Abster - prayers offered up to Providence, and for good Fortune to find you.
Nothing like a good smoke on a crisp, cold night. It's a balm for the soul, a stimulus for memory, and who could but feel only love for the immediate, heady spin after the first deep draw. A smoke reminds me of Helen; of the evenings when the two of us would be banished out to the driveway in Leamington Spa when our housemates caught us lighting up a digestive smoke. Those were the best conversations, the most honest, the most love-inducing, that sent me to sleep that night in a well of longing. We talked about dreams, the Renaissance, song lyrics, politics, favourite foods and drinks. The silence between us for the last couple of years remains a scar.
I'm experiencing a sense of drift this evening. Earlier on, I was feeling angry - I thought today's entry would turn into a rant. What was I angry about? Stupid stuff. Frustration at the world, the lack of progress. A bit of first world guilt. I saw discarded food, people buying trivia for inflated prices, the press trying to misinform us all again, and it angered me. I was angry about injustices, about the evil back-stabbing and the dishonesty, hidden agendas, the dispassion, the ethical lassitude, the moral ambivalence. I'd like to think that it's a reminder to myself that the inner indignation is still there - my moral compass still ends up pointing toward the distant pole of right rather than wrong, despite the virulent consumerism that surrounds and sometimes infects me. Someone quoted Dr Martin Luther King recently: "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it does bend towards justice".
Perhaps it's also the end-of-year sensation that's putting me in this frame of mind - with another milestone approaching, it's natural to think about what the year has brought. That'll make for a longer entry as New Year approaches, I guess.
And finally, a word of solidarity goes out to the Abster - prayers offered up to Providence, and for good Fortune to find you.
posted by nickwong8 at 9:37 pm
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